The Sound of Us

America's favorite pop band, Roman Holiday, is done, dead, and so totally last year. For eighteen-year-old rockoholic Junie Baltimore, this is music to her ears. But when she discovers their sexy ex-lead singer hiding out on the boardwalk, her summer vacation becomes the cover story of the year.

She's willing to keep him a secret, but when a sleazy paparazzo offers her the cash she needs to save the bar her father left behind, could she sell out for the chance to save her future? Who is she kidding? That's a no-brainer...but she never planned on falling head over heels for the lead singer.

The choice to read this book off my "to read" list was a very concious choice. I don't remember why I wanted to read it in the first place, or where or when it was recommended to me, but it sounded pretty light and fluffy and after reading A Mother's Reckoning, I needed something light.

This book has a bit (as in one scene) of graphic sex that prevents it from being branded a Young Adult Romance, but that is really the feel I got from it. This book is basically any teenage groupie's best dream. It was extremely cheesy and corny and "not going to ever happen like that in a million years" type story. It is a romance novel, although it tries desperately not to be.

This book was pretty cute, not too much thought required to read it. I felt like every so often they were dropping little pop-culture references that I got and it made me feel good about myself (eg. "he's probably playing his gameboy. Don't want to mess up his gym matches" = He was playing pokemon. [/nerd]), there may have been more that I missed but it was a little fun.

I would recommend this one if you needed something brainless to read, but if you are going to go for Teenage Girl Romance, I would probably recommend To All The Boys I've Loved Before (and it's sequel) before I would recommend this one.

A Mother's Reckoning

On April 20, 1999, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold walked into Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado. Over the course of minutes, they would kill twelve students and a teacher and wound twenty-four others before taking their own lives.
 
For the last sixteen years, Sue Klebold, Dylan’s mother, has lived with the indescribable grief and shame of that day. How could her child, the promising young man she had loved and raised, be responsible for such horror? And how, as his mother, had she not known something was wrong? Were there subtle signs she had missed? What, if anything, could she have done differently?
 
These are questions that Klebold has grappled with every day since the Columbine tragedy. In A Mother’s Reckoning, she chronicles with unflinching honesty her journey as a mother trying to come to terms with the incomprehensible. In the hope that the insights and understanding she has gained may help other families recognize when a child is in distress, she tells her story in full, drawing upon her personal journals, the videos and writings that Dylan left behind, and on countless interviews with mental health experts.
 
Filled with hard-won wisdom and compassion, A Mother’s Reckoning is a powerful and haunting book that sheds light on one of the most pressing issues of our time. And with fresh wounds from the recent Newtown and Charleston shootings, never has the need for understanding been more urgent.

I have been looking forward to this book for years. Not that I actually knew it was going to be published or anything, but ever since I read Columbine I really wondered how all of this effected the parents of Dylan and Eric. I couldn't imagine wanting to grieve for your own child while so many others hate them and couldn't possibly understand your grief. I didn't know Sue Klebold (or any of the parents of Dylan or Eric) would write a book, in fact I think at the time I figured that we would never get to hear that side of the story. So I was stoked when I found out that this was coming out. 

... and then a little worried. 

As interested as I was in Sue's story, I didn't feel OK paying her to write a book and profit from something that damaged so many families. Then I heard that ALL of her author profits would be going to mental health charities, and I was on board! I wasn't even going to try to get it from the library. With such a worthy cause getting donations from this book, I wanted my own copy. 

So this is probably the one and only Non-fiction I will read this year, because that's how I roll. ;) I'll make up for it by writing A LOT about this book. I have a lot to say, so... get ready!

I have always been fascinated with the stories behind the massacre at Columbine Highschool (in a way, very much, like I am fascinated in Holocaust history too. Trying to understand something so unfathomable), it was one of those events that hit really close to home when it happened. I was in Grade 11 at the time. I felt like it could have been my highschool (although, now that I am an adult and far more knowledgeable, there were a lot of contributing factors that make it unlikely to have happened to mine, but... under different circumstances, it could happen anywhere). In a lot of ways, Columbine is that news story that has hit me the hardest in my life. Even more so than September 11th. It was just so relatable to my life at that time. 

Right from the introduction to this book I was completely drawn in. The introduction (that was not written by Sue, but by Andrew Solomon another author that has written books on mental health) had some great insights and great summerizations of events and elements of that day. He writes "Eric Harris appears to have been a homicidal psychopath, and Dylan Klebold, a suicidal depressive, and their desperate madnesses were each other's necessary condition". Beautifully written and extremely important to the events that lead to the massacre. Proof that each and every portion of this book have value. I have often skipped introductions and prefaces in non-fiction books because they seem irrelevant from the first few lines ("This book wouldn't have been possible without the help of...". NEXT!! Moving on...) whereas Solomon introduces the book and Sue perfectly. He even quotes what she had said to him during an early interview and it really gives an insight into the woman writing this book and why you should care about what she has to say. She said to him "While every other mother in Littleton was praying that her child is safe, I had to pray that mine would die before he hurt anyone else." Could you imagine? Or this one: "I gave the hardest prayer I ever made, that he would kill himself, because then at least I would know that he wanted to die, and I wouldn't be left with all the questions I'd have if he got caught by a police bullet" No mother should have to wish anything like this. Chilling. And that's only the introduction.

This book, for the most part, is chronological to Sue's experience. It did not start with what happened inside Columbine, but instead started with the call that Sue received when the events were already underway. We get a view of the events from the perspective of an outsider that is heavily involved without knowing what is going on all the time. So we don't learn about the exact timeline of what went on in the school until the chapters that involve months later when Sue and her husband, Tom (Dylan's father), go to hear what the police investigation has discovered. I was glad it was written this way. I felt a shadow of the devastation that Sue felt when her veil of misperceptions and the protective filter she had for her son's involvement was lifted. There was nothing like this in Dave Cullen's book. I believed that Dylan had placed bombs, fired weapons, and followed Eric along, basically in order to ensure his own death, by suicide or otherwise, in the process. Instead, I was informed (by his own mother, no less!) that he willingly participated in the murdering of people. I had this idea in my head that he fired his weapons to put on a show for Eric, but never really consciously shot anyone. But he did. Eric was worse, he fired more (almost double of Dylan's count), and got very up close and personal with many of his victims, but Dylan was still not the victim of depression that I thought he was. And that shook me more than I thought it would. 

I went back and reread parts of Dave Cullen's book to see if my memory was wrong of what he had written, but when I found certain parts I was looking for I really did feel that I was somewhat misled by what Cullen's book had told me. I think Cullen very much did blame Eric more and talked about him as the threat, the monster psychopath that really masterminded the whole ordeal, and he really did paint a sympathetic picture of Dylan. Cullen talked more about the psyches of the boys and less about the events. His brief summary of what went down in the school was not nearly as detailed as Sue's, and Sue was almost less forgiving of Dylan than Cullen was. I still really feel for Dylan, I think that if somehow someone had happened to catch his depression and got him help he would never have been involved in Columbine, but I feel that it still would have happened without him. Eric would have just found another fall guy to participate in it with him. If it hadn't been Dylan, it just would have been someone else. 

One thing that sort of surprised me and disappointed me at the same time was the lack of reference to the documentary Bowling for Columbine. I was really interested in Sue's thoughts on Michael Moore's perspectives and theories on contributing factors such as gun control to what happened at Columbine, but I didn't get any of that. Maybe Sue will write a sequel ;)

Overall this was an amazing read. I felt I got so much more insight into what happened. I think that this may make me less fascinated with Columbine because I feel that this book answered a lot of questions for me. Unlike the Holocaust (which I think is completely unfathomable, and beyond understanding), I really feel that I understand Columbine more now. I can see how it happened, and although it's not pleasant, I can understand. Hopefully if more people understand the background that goes into these horrid events, maybe in the future some can be avoided before any more lives are lost to school shootings. 

Orphan Train

The author of Bird in Hand and The Way Life Should Be delivers her most ambitious and powerful novel to date: a captivating story of two very different women who build an unexpected friendship: a 91-year-old woman with a hidden past as an orphan-train rider and the teenage girl whose own troubled adolescence leads her to seek answers to questions no one has ever thought to ask.

Nearly eighteen, Molly Ayer knows she has one last chance. Just months from "aging out" of the child welfare system, and close to being kicked out of her foster home, a community service position helping an elderly woman clean out her home is the only thing keeping her out of juvie and worse.

Vivian Daly has lived a quiet life on the coast of Maine. But in her attic, hidden in trunks, are vestiges of a turbulent past. As she helps Vivian sort through her possessions and memories, Molly discovers that she and Vivian aren't as different as they seem to be. A young Irish immigrant orphaned in New York City, Vivian was put on a train to the Midwest with hundreds of other children whose destinies would be determined by luck and chance.

The closer Molly grows to Vivian, the more she discovers parallels to her own life. A Penobscot Indian, she, too, is an outsider being raised by strangers, and she, too, has unanswered questions about the past. As her emotional barriers begin to crumble, Molly discovers that she has the power to help Vivian find answers to mysteries that have haunted her for her entire life - answers that will ultimately free them both.

Rich in detail and epic in scope, Orphan Train is a powerful novel of upheaval and resilience, of second chances, of unexpected friendship, and of the secrets we carry that keep us from finding out who we are.


This is another case of a book with duel narrators that I prefer one story over the other. Which would you guess I would prefer: modern or historical? If you guessed historical you are absolutely right and have paid attention in my previous blog posts! Good work! (sorry, this is not a game show. I'm in a funny mood.) I really did feel that the modern story was almost completely unnecessary. I think the intent was to create a parallel to make the historical story relatable, but I don't think it really worked. 

Although, the duel narrators weren't really an asset, the duel time periods of the same story were enjoyable. Seeing the items in Vivian's house mentioned in her past, and linking where they came from and why she wouldn't get rid of them was fun and interesting. It was one of the few positives of the modern story.

One aspect of both stories that I found I liked was that school was constantly a safe haven. It's nice to think that going to school can help people in so many different ways, that teachers can be guardian angels sometimes, and that any positive that can be extracted from a school setting is a good thing. I loved the message. (Even if the next book I read proved the exact opposite, stay tuned. It was a good one ;) ) 

Also, Niamh had the same birthday as Rosalie, so that was fun ;)

It was a good book, somewhere between OK and good anyway. I enjoyed most of it, and learned a bit about the history of the adoption process. And it made me appreciate the developments North America has made in helping kids in difficult situations. How Social Services are so ingrained as Human Rights that it is shocking to see a world without them. If anything, this book will want to make you go hug a Social Worker.    

Just Keep Swimming...

Confession time.

... I am still struggling.

For the most part, I have settled into what our household has become. There is a routine of Doctor's appointments, Physiotherapy, Occupational Therapy, Speech and Language Pathologists appointments, extra immunizations... the works. But this is normal now. This is what our lives have become. And it's frustrating at times. I rely heavily on family and often feel like I am putting them out, and being a huge inconvenience, especially when I get overwhelmed and only look at my calendar the day before appointments and need to drop Rosalie somewhere without giving anyone any real notice. But I don't have many options. Anyway... that's not really where I am struggling, but it gives a little background to where I am coming from.

Dominic needs way more help that Rosalie ever did. Things that came naturally to her, do not come naturally to Dominic. Thus, a bunch of the appointments that are listed above. Today, I had our ECIP (Early Childhood Intervention Program) worker come to our house to work on a bunch of things with Dominic. Most is play centred which is good, because Dominic LOVES it. He likes the different and special toys and extra attention. She comes every couple weeks and is very familiar with how Dominic is doing in all of his developmental areas. Today, I asked a question, and got the answer I expected and feared at the same time. I asked "Is Dominic catching up or getting further behind where a typical child would be at his age?"

Now, I should mention here that there are a lot of things about Dominic that make me proud, many things he does that show such promise, and many things he does that relieve me of any concerns... But he is still not pulling himself to a stand, or crawling, or speaking any distinguishable words... Honestly, when I see or hear about someone else's baby that is 6 months younger than Dominic achieving these relatively simple goals, a little piece of me dies just a bit. I wish that Dominic would just pull to a stand all on his own one of these days, but that is not going to happen. It will takes months and months and probably the assistance of a standing contraption to get him there. By that time, these kids 6 months younger than him will be walking around like pros.

So what was her response, you ask? "We know Dominic is delayed. And as he grows, that gap will get bigger and bigger. With luck, at some point some of his delays might not be as evident, but we really don't know what the future holds for him."  We talked about the good things he has done too, and the milestones he is hitting; his ability to play together with Rosalie, his general interest in new things, his quick learning of how to work new toys.. so it seems his congnition and social skills are the least of our worries. Where as all of the ones he is behind on appear to be physiological at this point (and can be mostly attributed to his stroke and his cleft lip and palate).

I cried a bit today and through some self evaluation I realized I am still mourning the perfect child I thought I was having for the first half of my pregnancy. As much as I love Dominic and am thankful I have him and would never trade him for anything, part of me is still struggling with the difficulties (and perhaps some bitterness) that comes with having a child with special needs. And much of this mourning is also tied to the guilt I have, that there are many people that wish for a child as healthy as Dominic, or are mourning heavier losses than my own. Those parents that have lost a child are way more justified in their grief than I am. What have I really lost? Nothing. And the guilt that Dominic is a happy boy (one of the happiest I think!), and he is unconcerned with any of this. He doesn't give two shits about what those other kids are doing. So why I am letting this eat me alive? I should be as happy as he is simply because he's happy. I should be more grateful for that

Most days, none of this even crosses my mind. Most days, none of this matters. But that one day out of a hundred, I still cry. I still struggle. I still wonder what life would be like if things were different.

But that doesn't mean I would change a thing. Whatever doesn't kill you,.. right?

My Current Conundrum...

So... Do I try to read something else or wait for this one? I know I've been next in line for at least a week. So it should come up soon. But what if it's a couple days? I don't know if I can be without a book that long...

Oh, the struggles of an avid reader... ;)

Be Frank With Me

Reclusive literary legend M. M. “Mimi” Banning has been holed up in her Bel Air mansion for years, but now she’s writing her first book in decades and to ensure timely completion her publisher sends an assistant to monitor her progress. Mimi reluctantly complies—with a few stipulations: No Ivy Leaguers or English majors. Must drive, cook, tidy. Computer whiz. Good with kids. Quiet, discreet, sane.

When Alice Whitley arrives at the Banning mansion, she’s put to work right away—as a full-time companion to Frank, the writer’s eccentric nine-year-old, a boy with the wit of Noël Coward, the wardrobe of a 1930s movie star, and very little in common with his fellow fourth graders.

As she gets to know Frank, Alice becomes consumed with finding out who his father is, how his gorgeous “piano teacher and itinerant male role model” Xander fits into the Banning family equation—and whether Mimi will ever finish that book.

Full of heart and countless only-in-Hollywood moments, Be Frank With Me is a captivating and heartwarming story of an unusual mother and son, and the intrepid young woman who finds herself irresistibly pulled into their unforgettable world.


Frank. Is. Fantastic. I just absolutely love him. He's one of those really literary kids that I find charming, but very well may drive me up the wall if he was my own child. (Side story!: I remember one time, back when I was working at Coles, I said to a coworker I would love to have a kid like Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes. After having my own kids, I recant any such statement) Now I realize as wonderfully clever as he is, he's not exactly a parent's dream child. Frank is one of those kids that I think MANY adults would appreciate, but who's charms are lost on other children. It's really unfortunate. 

I wasn't really a big fan of any other characters in the book. (I thought of his mom like a young Harper Lee, but didn't really like her anyway) Any parts of the story that didn't involve Frank I was relatively unconcerned with, but Frank was never far, and often was the topic of conversation.

This novel is very much in the style of The Rosie Project, but the plot and characters are extremely different from Simsion's. My guess is if you liked The Rosie Project, you will like this one as well.