Return to Work Induced Insomnia

I am currently battling a bit of sleep deprivation and the baby has nothing to do with it. She has been sleeping through the night for quite a while now.

There have been a few nights in the past couple of months that I have been lying in bed thinking about going back to work and anxiety prevents me from sleeping.

I mean, lets be honest here, I would rather not be going back to work. If we could financially swing it, I would have no problem being a stay at home mom. (Had you asked me 5 years ago and I probably would have spouted some feminist position, and told you never in a million years :/) But we are not there financially, so back I go.

The first time this happened was a month and a bit ago, I was concerned about WHEN exactly I would be going back. Before I had left on my mat leave, I was hoping I would be able to hold off on going back until after the summer, grab an extra couple of months of sunshine without work, but that didn't work out. Then the plan was to just go back right after Rose's birthday. But the powers that be have lined up my scheduled days off on my rotation so that it makes sense that I go back the first weekend in May. After sitting up until 1am figuring this out, then feeding Rosalie when she woke up shortly after, I was then able to sleep, because I now had a date. (Since then it has changed to the second weekend in May, but that's not the point...)

Another time this happened was after I had blogged about pregnancy being contagious. This brought on the feelings of I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO WORK.... If I popped out another baby before May, I wouldn't have to. But not only is that not possible (and not to mention how that would be terrible for everyone), even if I could go back in time in order to get pregnant and be due in May, that would mean no EI... so that would be financial suicide. So I NEED to go back to work... but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

I've had a few other sleepless nights thinking about work itself too. Where will I be working when I get back, will I remember how to do anything, are things completely different after a year, are there new staff that I need to get to know...

And then there are the shenanigans I hear about happening at the jail, and then the few things that end up in the paper.... ugh...

I shouldn't even really be all that concerned. We've worked it out so that [for the time being] I am only going back on Saturdays, Sundays, and Mondays. Roland is off on the weekends, so we don't need to worry about childcare then, and on Mondays I've worked it out so that we will only need someone to look after Rosalie for about 3 hours, and my wonderful, fabulous, fantastic sister has volunteered for that. So, what do I have to worry about? Nothing. Really, I should just let myself sleep now...

Where the heck did this year go anyway? I swear it was only last week I was still pregnant... ;)