Back to Work

I am now officially off of Maternity Leave.

Friday night at 11:00pm I returned to work at jail. This was a pretty difficult transition for a couple of reasons. The first and most obvious one, is that I hadn't been away from Rosalie for longer than a couple of hours ever.

So I cried. Like... a lot.

At first I thought I was going to be OK. I mean, the days leading up to my return to work I was totally fine. But in hindsight, it kinda seemed like I was in denial a bit... like that day would never come. Then once it did, and I was pulling out my uniform... I just choked up. Then I went to say goodbye to Roland and I lost it. Then I drove to work and cried the whole way there. Then put on my big girl face when I walked up to the door. The shift itself wasn't that bad. I had the great fortune of working with someone I had only seen twice since I went on mat leave, so it flew by with all of the gossip and updates from one another. And the shift on Saturday night was easier than the first (psychologically) even though my partner was someone I had never met before and had to do that crap small talk stuff :) Last night's shift, I worked with another new person, but this one was pregnant! So that helped me out a lot. We sat and talked about pregnancy, and labour, and babies, and anything else under the sun that was related really.

Another reason it was difficult to transition back is because I hadn't had to deal with shift work preparation in over a year. Since I was working nights, I had to do what I could to be awake until 7am-ish. This is far more difficult than it was pre-Rosalie. Back then, I would just gradually make my bedtime later and sleep in in order to get ready to be up all night. Now, that is no longer an option. I am up with Rosalie whenever she determines we should be up, so I never get to sleep in anymore. And I wasn't about to sleep deprive myself before heading back to work. Saturday and Sunday we got through it. I showered right when I got home and then fed Rosalie after I showered and was de-jail-ified (she and Roland were up before I got home all 3 days, I even got home at 6:30 one morning and she still was awake before I got home! Little rascal.), then went promptly to bed. I still woke up whenever she cried really loud, and if Roland had to come upstairs to change her diaper, I still woke up, but otherwise I slept pretty well.

Monday was a completely different story. Roland was back to work, so once I got home I showered, and then took over for Roland. No sleep. I figured this would help me transition back into a normal sleep routine because I would be REALLY tired that night. I still napped when Rosalie napped, so I got a little bit of sleep. But I was so tired that day that I was like a zombie. My mom called and I barely remember the conversation. Roland would have to ask me a question two or three times before I could understand what the question meant. And Yes, I was REALLY tired that night (words can't even describe how tired I was), I slept well though, and was good to go at 6:45 when Rosalie woke up, so even though it was tough, the plan worked pretty well.

So, all and all, it wasn't as bad as I expected. To be honest, it's kinda like I forgot what it was actually like to work there and work night shifts. I remembered all of the bad and none of the good. So, now, I am coping well. But I don't have to go back for a couple of weekends, so that's a plus. It really is easier to grin and bear it when it's already behind you ;)