T-12 hours to Surgery

Tomorrow at 8am, Dominic will be having his Cleft Lip, G-Button, and Ear Tube surgery.

It is a weird mix of emotions I am going through right now. He needs this surgery. I have been anxiously awaiting this surgery to fix his lip, but at the same time I feel I am going to miss his cleft. It is the face I have known since he was born. I love his little gappy smile. But I know that eating will get easier, he will drool less, his speech development will improve. But I am still sitting here crying as I write this because my little boy's face is about to change. I don't want him to have the social difficulties coupled with having a facial deformity, but at the same time I have come to love him with this face. As I look back at his pictures from when he was less than a month old, I see how far his cleft has come. When I was taping it to help with lining it up for this surgery and his palate one, I was already changing his face. But since I quit doing that, his face has become the one I know. The one of my baby. The one that is getting surgically altered tomorrow.

As a tribute to the cleft I was initially (and frankly, still) sensitive about people seeing, here are a few of my favourites. It seems silly to be sensitive about this face that I have come to love when it is about to be "fixed" tomorrow...

*CAUTION: Some of the following pictures are from when Dominic was in ICU, So he has tubes coming out of him and sometimes doesn't look the healthiest. Be warned! If you are sensitive to such pictures, perhaps these are not for you*

On his birthday. Shortly after this he needed a breathing mask and you could no longer see his cleft.
At least in this one, the soother shows it a bit.

The day after his first Heart surgery, the first time he woke up after.
This one you can really see how far his cleft stuck out. It goes past his nose significantly.

After taping for a little while, you can see how much closer his lip is to his face. 

The big grin I am going to miss.

Last day with an Ng tube and a Cleft Lip

To be honest I am still a little bit torn about his G-button. I really shouldn't be, it will only make things better for Dominic with his eating. Without the tube taped on his face we won't have to worry about his skin irritation, I have been told by several doctors that not having the tube on their face gives them less of an aversion to eating, and if he stops using it within 6 months it's not even a surgery to close it up. But I still have this worry about giving him the g-button. It feels like I am giving up on his ability to eat all by himself. I wonder if I'm just doing something wrong when I am feeding him that makes him not eat effectively and it results in him getting too frustrated or tired. I wonder if I just let him demand feed 15 times a day rather than the 6 scheduled feeds if he would do just fine then. I just wonder... It is also possible that getting his cleft lip will help him get better with eating and thus help us get closer to getting rid of the button. Funny how I am already hoping to get rid of it before he's even gotten it yet. It would just kinda suck to give him the button to barely have to use it, but I supposed it's better to get it and not need it than to not get it and then need to get him one later when it's a whole additional surgery.

And then there are the ear tubes. He needs those, so that's fine. No qualms with him getting those. It's actually a plus to get them while he is under for another procedure. Fewer times they have to put him out with anesthetic then. Easiest surgery ever. I wouldn't have even be opposed if he had to get them separately.

So there we have it. Think of us tomorrow morning if you are up that early! I will probably be a wreck!