NEWSFLASH! Parenting is Hard

I think to most people, this is an obvious fact. I'm sure that there are a few people out there that think that parenting is just picking up your child when they scream, but most people realize that it is a bit difficult.

I'm also pretty sure that every future parent is informed of this prior to welcoming their little bundle, but never truly believe it until they are learning at a run...

I am one of those very parents. I think subconciously I always thought my baby would be the exception. The perfect child that never cried for no reason. That would sit happily in her bouncy chair while I made supper for the rest of us. That would make the sounds of her cries blatantly differently so that I can tell what she wants (something that sounds like "WWWWWWHHHHHHHHAAAAAIIIIIWAANTFOOOD!") I understood that MOST babies are fussy and difficult, but mine wouldn't be. No sir-ee!

But of course, this is not what happened. I have a daughter that cries for no reason sometimes. I have just fed her and put a new diaper on her, right after she has just woken up from a nap and she's crying like a crazy baby. So I pick her up, she cries. I put her down, she cries harder. I wrap her in a blanket, I dim the lights, I put music on, I read her a book, I take her to a look out the window for a change of scenery, I go bang my head against the wall, and nothing works. What ends up happening is that I give her to Roland, tell him I need a break, and start over again when she needs to eat.

I think one of the things that makes it so difficult is the inconsistancy. Things that worked yesterday, may not work today. Routines that you think are established go out the window on a baby's whim.

What prompted this post was this morning's routine.

I have been VERY blessed with how good Rosalie is generally. Bedtime is no longer a problem. A strict regement of no sleeping in the crib other than at bedtime, lights off in her room during and after her last feed, and nighttime story told in a soft voice directly preceeds being put in the crib, has made it so that within minutes of putting her in her crib at night, she's out. Now, how long and how many times she wakes up is completely dependant on how her day prior went, but she's still not that bad. Most of the time she's only up once, sometimes not at all, othertimes it could be 2 or 3 times.

But GENERALLY, she sleeps until about 9:00, even with these wake ups and stuff. Not this morning. No no no. She was up at 6:30 ready to go. I KNEW she didn't get enough sleep, because she was up in a big way at 3:30 and didn't go back to sleep right away. But she was kicking and smiling and cooing, so I knew it was going to be a tough sell at getting her back to sleep. But I was still REALLY tired. I was so tired my left eye was looking directly into my right eye. So I tried just lying her back down and "Shhhhh..."ing her, which generally helps, taking her to my bed to cosleep for a bit, rocking her in the glider, rocking her in my arms... nothing. So about 2 hours later I gave up, decided it was a lost cause and came downstairs to make myself some breakfast. At first when I put her down in her bouncy chair, she cried, which is pretty typical for her. SHE wants to decide when she gets put down and she was in a "hold me" mood. But she was fine so I started making toast and kept talking to her until she quieted down and I went to put jam on my toast and I look at her and she is FAST ASLEEP! By this time I am WIDE AWAKE! What the hell!?!?! It was seriously just a plan to foil me. I swear. But, what can ya do? And really, I can't complain about her. She is a fabulous baby. I know that so many have it tougher than I do. Ya just have to learn to cope. There is no other option. I just ended up napping this afternoon while she took one of her naps... not as good of a sleep with a 10 year old and a dog running around the house but I'll take what I can get...

Another challenging part of being a parent is the "step-parent" factor. When Roland and I started dating, Brayden was 5 and I was a novelty. He liked when I came around because I was different than the routine. When he was 6 and Roland and I moved in together, it was determined that Roland would do all of the parenting when he was with us because I didn't want to be expected to drop everything to babysit just because we were living together. As long as I had some notice, and Roland asked me nicely, I gladly would look after him. But I didn't want to just be the convenient babysitter by default. When he was 7 and we got primary custody of him over a crazy whirlwind week. I was obviously pleased (I feel his previous living situation was basically toxic), but things had to change. It was now a negotiation of our schedules in order to get him to and from school and to be sure that one of us was home at all times when he was there; Roland could not be expected to do it all on his own like he could with every other weekend and Wednesday nights. But still Roland maintained being the primary parent. Even then I was still somewhat novelty to Brayden so he behaved perfectly when he was in my care, but I heard about the bad stuff from Roland and his grandparents.

Then we got married. And everything changed. It was a tough change for Brayden. Although he missed his brothers and sisters at his mom's house, I think he liked being an only child at ours, so when we said we were getting married he was choked because he thought that meant that things would change for him. We didn't think they would, but he certainly did. This is when the pre-teen angst started. He was only 8 when we got engaged, 9 when we got married, but he had the teenage attitude already. Things got better for a while after the wedding. Really, nothing did change for him then, and I think he had gotten comfortable with that. But then I got pregnant with Rosalie and he was crushed. Being the oldest of several at his mom's house had made him somewhat resentful towards babies and he definitely thought he was going to be punted aside by the new baby that would be mine and Roland's. But when she arrived he was completely smitten with her. It has made things easier, but with the preteen angst in full throttle, and with me officially being a parental figure (as I have now popped out a baby of my own), a lot more anger is directed toward me than ever was before. I have yet to get the "You're not my real mom!" statement yet, but it's coming. I can tell. I get the scoffs, the brush-offs, the silent treatment, the rolled eyes, the stomping up the stairs to his room... etc. etc. etc. The problem with his age group is that they think they can take on the world, when, obviously, they just can't. And trying to convince them of that is like trying to teach a dog to juggle.

I'm not sure precisely which is a more difficult job; parenting the infant, or parenting the preteen? Being that the infant can't tell you exactly what they need, that makes it tough. But the preteen doesn't listen and questions every direction or request given, and "because I said so!" doesn't really cut it anymore.

It's a really interesting thing to consider: When they are in utero, you worry about them because you can't see them. When they are born, you worry about them because there are way more external factors to consider hazardous. When they are young children, you worry because they are not entirely dependant on you and can make choices on their own (and they may not be good ones). And once they are older children, you can't keep them in your sight all the time.

Parenting is hard. Don't let your subconscious convince you otherwise. But they say that anything worth doing is hard, right? And THAT I can totally agree with. Parenting is a perfect example of that :)