Mamma Guilt, Lake Time, and Blogging Hiatus

Hello all!

Sorry for the long hiatus. I scooted off to the lake and had very little internet access for just over a week. I decided to leave my computer at home and just get my internet fix through my phone on occasions. I checked in on Facebook occasionally and if I had time, I read a few blogs, so I'm somewhat caught up on everyone's lives! 

Just for the record, the irony is not lost on me that I said in my last post that I was liking getting out two posts a week only to pop to the lake and not post anything for over a week. 

I'm only home for three days, so you will be getting a post each of these days because I polished off another couple books at the lake. THAT really surprised me. Thank goodness for my ereader, because I was completely unprepared. 

Last year, I was taken by surprise because Rose napped more at the lake than I expected. Probably due to the fresh air, abundance of oxygen, and that business of going out and running around doing fun things almost every day. This year, she's on a more routine nap schedule, so it was more predictable. BUT being in an open concept cabin, after she goes to bed at night, most of the lights are off (at about 8:30pm) so both my mom and I went to our respective beds and read with our reading lights. So POOF! Second Song of Fire and Ice book DONE! Because I didn't forsee this (coupled with the fact that there is a glitch with the series on my ereader where I can't load more than one of them at a time) I didn't have the third book at my disposal, so I read a different book. I'm sure that those of you who are not interested in the Game of Thrones series will be thankful for something that isn't all blood and gore and violence (... ok, maybe a little blood, but we'll get to that in a couple of days). I'll polish up those reviews and then post 'em. 

I'm only back from the lake for a few days to work, but I'll be heading back up to the lake on Tuesday morning. Normally, I wouldn't be in such a rush to head back, I mean, I love going to the lake and all, but I'm not a big fan of driving for long periods of time. That's more of Roland's forte. I'd rather sit in the passenger seat and read or watch the landscape go by instead of watching the road, unable to put my feet up... so BORING and uncomfortable. But due to my childcare situation in the summer, I left Rosalie at the lake with my mom for the weekend while I came back to work. This is one of the most emotionally difficult things I have ever had to do in my life. 

It's not that I am concerned about her well-being (when I cried for the 3rd time before leaving the lake my mom said "Don't you trust me?" with a chuckle. The truth is that sometimes I might trust my mom more than Roland with Rosalie, she has a bit of an edge on the experience, and she's CPR & First Aid certified), and it's not like I'm afraid I will never see her again (when I got home and cried, Roland's response to my tears was "It's not like we SOLD her! She's with your MOM"), it's just pure and simple "mom guilt". This is the first time I have ever gone more than 12 hours without seeing Rosalie. I can't even explain why this upsets me so much. Could be that I don't want to miss anything, or that I am convinced that I am the only one that can take care of her, or that I am concerned that she will think I abandoned her... I don't really completely believe any of those things, but the thoughts make me feel guilty. It's not even like I am ditching her just to take a break, or that I don't want to be there. It's just that I need to go to work.... Yup. Irrational guilt. But that doesn't make it any better.

(On a parenting side note, I have now weaned Rosalie. This also may be contributing to my fragile emotional state. It made sense timing wise. I haven't pumped in months, and with her being with grandma for 3 days it made more sense to wean her for that rather than go back to pumping since she is now 15 months old and she really is fine with homogenized milk anyway. So I nursed her for the last time yesterday morning. To be honest, I was way more attached to it than she was at this point. I think for her, it was just part of our routine. I think she liked it, but she by no means needed it.)

So here I am. I was awake at 7am, after not falling asleep until 2:00, attempted to go back to sleep, gave up at 8:00, showering, starting the mound of laundry that I brought home from the lake that I will need to pack up and take back when it's done, and then eating breakfast and blogging. 

My plan for the weekend is to work, buy pajama pants, start reading the 3rd Song of Ice and Fire book, finish the laundry, pack it and load up the car before I work on Monday so on Tuesday morning we can just hop in the car and go. I'm hoping to be there by 11:00. 10:30 if I can swing it.

So that's a glimpse of my summer life, I won't be having internet access again once I am at the lake, so be aware it is likely there will be a long hiatus again. 

Have a great summer!