Marriage Isn't Always Easy

Background reading: Blog Entry: Renegade Mothering - Meg Ryan Ruins Marriages

I'm gunna start out by saying I don't entirely agree with this woman, but I suppose if you want to sell your blog you have to say or do some pretty extreme things. Maybe I'm just not the violent type, but I have never imagined throwing heavy, blunt objects at Roland... although I have honestly thought to myself "I vow not to be as awful as B's mom when we get divorced". Actually, depending on how mad I get, sometimes it's "I vow to be 100 times worse than B's mom when we get divorced" But that is a high bar to set, and I only think that when I'm REALLY mad.

Roland and I don't fight often, but when we do, it's a blow out screaming match. Roland says really mean things, while I become obstinate and more difficult. I do this seriously on purpose, just to get him more mad. I know that I'm winning when he throws the tv remote or his cell phone, or crumples up the disposable Glad food storage container (when he did that one I honestly had to try desperately not to laugh) Generally, these fights are not resolved in the same sitting as they were began in. But after hours of the silent treatment to one another, slammed doors, and what not, one of us (generally me) approaches the other to calmly talk about what happened and how we can fix whatever we just fought about. Sometimes it surprises me how great the conversations are after the few hours of cool down time. I feel that I really learn a lot about him in those conversations. We are both honest and willing to fix whatever just pushed us over the edge (obviously, or else we'd be divorced by now)

But a lot of the things this woman writes completely rang true with me. Sometimes I DO have those thoughts of  “Who is this douchebag and why is he in my house?”, and when I read why she said the reason she has never left her husband is "Because I couldn’t stomach the thought of another woman being around my children." I got kinda mad. Not at her, because I completely agree... but at Roland, because I KNOW he would just go out and find someone else and I would want to beat HER face in with a club just because she wants to be another mother to my kids. They are MINE!... well, it could be argued that Brayden isn't really mine, but with all the crap he's been through he doesn't need a second questionable woman in his life. I mean, what right does she have to just walk right in and take over? NONE! And she better know it...

Oh right... Yeah... this woman doesn't exist, and might not ever exist... so I need to calm down a bit...

For the record, I don't think I'm the type to hop into other relationships if this one goes south, so that adds a little more fuel to my angry, hypothetical little fire...

But this article, in addition to the realization about my own relationship and marriage, has made me rationalize the way I react to others' public relationships. Maybe it's my cynicism, or complete lack of trust in what people say, but if you make a post on Facebook or your blog or twitter or whatever about how much you LOVE your partner and how fabulous everything is in your relationship, and this happens at daily intervals.... I automatically assume your relationship is struggling. I am sure these lovey-dovey posts are more to convince yourself that you are in love with your partner moreso than you are trying to convince me... and frankly, I'm not buying it. More than once this has been confirmed by the ever so public "[so-and-so] is no longer in a relationship" status that shows up on my facebook news feed slightly after. Go figure.

Unless it's like "My husband just bought me ______ for my birthday, I have the best husband ever and love him so much!" Then I believe you actually feel like that... at that moment... but it won't last forever. Next week there will probably be a post about how your moronic husband/boyfriend ran over the hose with the lawnmower for the third time this year.

That being said, I love how true the end of her blog entry is. When you see your hubby cuddling with the kids or fixing that thing that you broke, or brings you home a slurpee without being asked, you are just blown away by how lucky you are to have snagged such a good one. How much you love him, and how great of a partner he is in your life. Everything in balance, right?