At A Loss for Words

In a “he said, she said” story, the writer always gets the last word.

She is a writer, established and successful, with a full life and supportive friends. Then he walks into a book signing and back into her life 30 years after he broke her heart. This time, things seem different. The pair reconnects through emails, messages and fragments of conversation. But love leaves her with a nasty case of writer’s block. Looking for inspiration in the texts around her -- optimistic horoscopes, evasive fortune cookies and the inane suggestions from books on writer’s block -- she tries to find a way through the relationship that has seemingly stolen her gift for language.

Spinning us through the whirlwind love of her nameless protagonist, award-winning author Diane Schoemperlen weaves a stylish, innovative novel out of to-do lists and text messages. Exploring the different emotional languages spoken by men and women, At A Loss For Words is a charming take on the modern romance, warm and witty right through to its surprising and delicious resolution.

This was one of the worst books I have read in a long time. Right up there with 50 Shades of Grey, without the stigma of being Erotica. This book is only just under 200 pages long, but took me a month to read because it was so terrible that I had no motivation to read it. The guilt of not posting anything remotely bookish was getting to me, so I buckled down and read more than half of it friday night just to get it over with. So I am sorry it took so long for a book related post.

This is one of the many books that I have on the one bookshelf I own that is completely unread books. I bought this one way back when I was at McNally and scooped it up before it was returned to the publisher. I should have just let it go. The worst part about it was that I feel that I was mislead into what I was going to be reading. I don't know if the cover picture is too small or whatever, but there is a little circle that states the National Post describes it as "A laugh-out-loud anti-love letter". So I thought it was going to be an author writing witty letters to an ex, and they are all like "You are an ass because..." except hilarious and well written. Or perhaps an "I love you, but you are screwing up my life..." to this ex that walked back into her life...

But no. No no no no no no no...

THIS book is literally a "I said..." paragraph followed by a "You said..." paragraph that documents their entire relationship. Literally almost EVERY paragraph starts with either "I said" or "You said". Ever heard of "Said is DEAD"? Yeah, this book KILLED "said". Butchered it and threw it's guts all over the street for the neighbours to see. So. Effing. Bad. This is one of those books you want to make sure that no one with impressionable minds gets ahold of. Keep it away from your middle year students that are learning to use more interesting words than said, they may use this as ammo that a book "could" just use only the word said to describe conversation and actually get published. And keep this away from your friend, family member, coworker, etc. that thinks they can be an author but really probably can't. They will read this crap and be like "if this can get published I can totally get published! They just said 'He said', 'She said"' back and forth for 190 pages! I can do that!" Gross. It made this book HORRIBLY boring. Honestly, had they just gotten rid of that aspect of the book I probably could have finished the book in a couple of days. The plot was still shitty, I still would have hated it, but it would have been easier to force myself to read.

This book was also supposed to be funny, according to the National Post, but it really wasn't. The first three quarters of it was just pathetic. This woman was head over heels for a guy that treated her like crap, and she just ignored all the warning signs of him being an ass, and payed attention to horoscopes and shit that made it sound like things were going to look up. So lame. Not funny at all. I wanted to punch her through the pages of this book. It was frustrating to see this woman getting walked all over and didn't realize it. Much of the "She said"s were correspondences over emails that he never replied to, phone messages he never returned, but when he finally did get back to her, he had possible, even probable reasons he didn't get back to her right away, but I realized early that these excuses were ones that would be hard to disprove without outright calling him a liar. I'm not sure if I picked up on this pattern earlier than the author expected or if it was intended to make this woman out to look like a twitterpated idiot, but either way, it was BAD. The one other consideration I had on this issue was perspective. Was there actually an issue with their communication? Or was the fact that she was an unemployed author with writer's block and the only perspective we get in the novel, and he was employed in another city? So she had oodles of time on her hands to write him emails, but he was working and really didn't have any time to respond. Something that she overlooked because she has so much free time herself that she figured everyone else did too? Who knows. I think it is just a thin attempt on my part to find a redeeming quality in this book.

It was also really annoying that I don't think this woman knows how to write a male character. In the beginning of the relationship, this guy would say romantic lovey-dovey things that I don't think ANY straight man has ever said to anyone, EVER, in his entire life. Like, even Nicholas Sparks wouldn't go as far as this chick goes. They were the types of things that I think some woman may want their boyfriends/husbands/partners/whatever to say, but if they did, you would laugh at them or ask them if they were feeling ok. However I did determine early that if he turned out to be gay in the end, I would forgive this point. But no, that's not what happened. This guy is supposedly straight...

The kicker at the end, that made me roll my eyes and hate this book even more (and yes, I am going to tell you the ending, because I do not want ANYONE to read this book. Ever. So, if I spoil the ending, perhaps if anyone out there had the slightest inkling to read it they would think twice), is that it turns out this guy is married. So clearly, this relationship was going no where for him, and she had these delusions that he was going to leave his wife and kid for her. What a moron. And this guy is an asshole. Seems fitting for a book that was so crappy. Although it explains why he wasn't corresponding with her ever...

I really hope this story isn't based on the author's real life, because really, that would be just sad. I found myself wondering if it was autobiographical and she attempted to make it humourous in order to get over this horribly failed relationship. It's definitely possible, but I hope it's not true.

There were two little teensie redeeming things. That I must mention because honestly, being that this book was SO awful, it was good to have a few words that made me not hate life a little bit. The first one is when she is listening to the radio in her car and she purposly mishears the lyric from Robert Palmer's Addicted to Love and sings it "Might as well face it, you're a dickhead in love". I enjoyed it. The other was a word I had never come across before. I like to learn new words, and now I suppose I can't say I didn't get anything out of this book... the word was avuncular. Do you know what this word means? I thought it was interesting, and not a word one would hear often if they have heard it before. Dictionary it if you aren't familiar (I'm not gunna do all the work for you! :) )

Ultimate recommendation? Never. No. Not in a million years. DO NOT READ THIS BOOK. I told you the only 2 good things in it, so you are covered. Don't waste your time. Avoid this book. It is not good for anyone.