The Memory Keeper's Daughter

On a winter night in 1964, Dr. David Henry is forced by a blizzard to deliver his own twins. His son, born first, is perfectly healthy. Yet when his daughter is born, he sees immediately that she has Down's Syndrome. Rationalizing it as a need to protect Norah, his wife, he makes a split-second decision that will alter all of their lives forever. He asks his nurse to take the baby away to an institution and never to reveal the secret. But Caroline, the nurse, cannot leave the infant. Instead, she disappears into another city to raise the child herself. So begins this story that unfolds over a quarter of a century - in which these two families, ignorant of each other, are yet bound by the fateful decision made that long-ago winter night. Norah Henry, who knows only that her daughter died at birth, remains inconsolable; her grief weighs heavily on their marriage. And Paul, their son, raises himself as best he can, in a house grown cold with mourning. Meanwhile, Phoebe, the lost daughter, grows from a sunny child to a vibrant young woman whose mother loves her as fiercely as if she were her own.


Of the many reasons I liked this book, the most prevalent one is how the author treated Phoebe as a person with special needs, not someone who was meant to be pitied or trivialized. It makes me wonder if Kim Edwards is a parent or sibling of someone with Downs Syndrome. Far too often people with special needs are seen AS their special needs, not a person living their lives just like anyone else. Families of these people are far better at seeing past it (or to a point, not seeing it at all anymore), but strangers are often quick to judge and quick to be uncomfortable.  As was typical of the time of this novel, it is not a slight to consider taking children with Downs Syndrome to an institution, but it was very forward thinking of Caroline, perhaps ahead of it's time for the novel, for her to recognize that an institution was not the best place for Phoebe. I believe that many people at the time would have believed that a specialized care for someone with a disorder is in their best interests. 

I never felt sorry for Phoebe at all during this book... ok, well, that's a lie, I felt sorry for her the night of her birth when her father said to take her away (I can't even imagine!), and when Phoebe had to go to the hospital and the nurse asked Caroline if she "really" wanted her to call a doctor (some people are so heartless), but otherwise, never. Phoebe has a great life full of people that love her and worked hard to get her the support that she needed. She gets such happiness out of everything, that she is clearly the least pitiable person in the book, and I love that it was written that way. Of the other 4 main characters I felt sorry for them periodically over the course of the book, even if I didn't like them. Phoebe was always a breath of fresh air. 

Another important point that I loved of this story was that how secrets can effect people without even them realizing there is a secret to begin with. In this case, I like to believe that had Norah and Paul's intuition not been telling them that Phoebe had not actually died in birth they would have not had the bitter resentment that they had throughout their lives. They would have been happier people had there been no secret to keep. It had nothing to do with how David conveyed the lie or how well he told the lie, it was more the fact that there was a lie hanging between him and his family that created such strife. I like to think of myself as a very honest, candid person, but there are the occasional secrets one must keep for a period of time for one reason or another, sometimes they are not your own to tell, or sometimes timing of  a reveal plays a part, in any case, I always have the feeling that people know that something is off when I do need to keep secrets, and I feel that the people in this story felt the same. So if this book had a moral, I would say it is that "Honesty is the best policy". No one should carry around lies for their whole life, and it's not fair to keep them from people that they effect.

If there was a flaw in this book, I would say that Father's aren't given enough credit. David's displaced and somewhat cruel choice to abandon his daughter for the sake of saving his wife from the emotional upheaval her disability is something I think that was treaded on a little too lightly. Almost like saying "any father could have chosen to do the same thing", when really, I don't think many fathers would. I think at the time it would have been encouraged by other doctors, pediatricians perhaps, to institutionalize these children, but I don't think any parent would casually make that decision within hours of their baby being born. Also, I think that Phoebe's stepfather, Al, is really overlooked. Yes he loves Phoebe and brings her gifts and stuff, but I think step-parents have a way greater effect on their step-kids than this book gives credit for. I feel that Al and Phoebe's relationship should have been flushed out more, rather that just sticking to Al's relationship with Caroline. 

All and all this is a really great read. Perhaps generally more geared toward a female audience, especially with the portrayal of fathers, but still a really good book. Another recommend from me!