I have heard and read many comments since Dominic was born that people "Can't wait to see pictures of him!", and I have smiled and nodded like they would be coming, but frankly I really don't want to post pictures of him.
I have oodles! Don't get me wrong. Days do not go by without pictures being taken. But I am very much not ready to share them with the world. Dominic's bilateral cleft lip and palate are big. He is not a cute baby, and whenever a nurse says so, I just think that it proves that they say that to everyone, regardless of what the baby looks like. He IS beautiful to me, but that's a mother's love. If the world would be as accepting of him and his cleft lip and palate as I am, then I wouldn't have surgery done to fix it. But this world is very superficial... and it will help him when he starts eating solids. But I really do love him the way he is. Part of me will miss his little nub when they fix it.
I still feel bad about not posting pictures. I know that so many people will not care what he looks like, and I do believe that many people do genuinely want to see him, and as my nurse friend said "You should post pictures, because it's HIM!", but she is one of those people that loves him for him, and won't just look at him and pity him, or be glad that it didn't happen to their child. I did post the one of him minutes after being born, but it's far away enough that you can't really see how bad it is, and I still was hesitant about posting it. I also feel bad because I don't want him to think in the future that I was embarrassed of him, because I am really not. I am SO proud of him. But there will be gawkers, and I don't even want them to gawk over the internet because they want to see just how bad it looks.
I will post pictures eventually. Just not yet. Maybe after this business with a possible second surgery is done. Or maybe when we get home. Or maybe when his surgery for his lip is done... we'll see.
<3 Your job as his mama is to protect him however your gut tells you is best. I can't wait to see this little super trooper!! That said, just hearing his story lets me "see" his energy, and it's amazing!
ReplyDeleteI do appreciate the fact that in this day and age of sharing EVERYTHING ("I had diet coke for lunch!!!"-ish comments) that you would keep some things to yourself. Everyone freaks out about the government tracking their every movement, what they're looking at on the internet, what stores they shop at, but all the while they're giving up every ounce of privacy voluntarily by posting everything on facebook.
ReplyDeleteThere is something to be said for actual interaction with people, private interactions, personal interactions, rather than just posting something for anyone who logs into facebook to read. There's a quote in Dorian Gray about when you give personal information out about people, that it feels like giving away a part of that person. I wish I could do that quote justice, but I doubt I'd be able to find that exact quote quickly enough.
Anyway, a mother's love is a strong thing, but I hope you don't really believe that everyone else thinks that he looks bad just because of his cleft. Not even just family would find that he is cute. There will, of course, always be some people out there that will focus on such a thing, but that isn't all there is to him. It's like that couple who posted the pics of their baby on facebook, the baby who was born without a complete skull. They were hit with nothing but criticism, including their pictures of their newborn being moderated out by facebook execs. Pretty brutal. People are heartless, especially when they can hide behind the internet. I'd suggest you should save pictures for people who genuinely care. This has been a sensitive part of Dominic's life and those who are most concerned about him, will not care if he looks a bit different. I know your other kids are just excited about a baby, and it's like they don't even see his cleft. There are other people who feel the same way.
But, I'm obviously not suggesting you have to not let him have surgery on his lip and palate ;) It will make it a lot easier for him to eat and not so likely to get ear infections. =P
All my love is being sent your way, and wishes for you and my nephew to come home soon!
-JMc
Uh FYI honey, we do not tell all parents their child is cute. Yes Dominic has a very large cleft. But please remember that cute isn't just perfect features and a button nose. That young man of yours has grabbed the hearts of my co-workers because HE is cute. Not because his nose is perfect or his lips are full and pouty. He is cute because of his sweet facial expressions when he looks at you, the way he snuggles in his bundling, those long feet of his, even his curious little grabby hands get me!
ReplyDeleteHe's just the kinda kid that you fall for. Yes society can be superficial and mean... but remember the people that matter can see past imperfections.
Take your time and wait until you're ready to post pictures. And being protective over your child is different from being ashamed. Your his Mama and its your job to protect him. But you do have some really good pics on your phone!
Trish
I wondered if Trish was the friend-nurse! Neat!
Delete-JMc
I agree with everyone else... you do what you when when you're ready. I had a hard time posting photos of Brynlee right away because of some maternal issues (hormones?) and protectiveness.... it's in your very being to be protective of your little warrior!
ReplyDeleteWhen you're ready, we'll be ready to look and love. But like Meghan said... I feel like I've already gotten to see him so vividly because of the things you've shared about him already.