I am getting to that point where I really want to tell every person that I run into that I'm pregnant. Especially other pregnant women. There are at least 4 women at work right now that are preggers and I just want to tell them that I am part of the club too.
But no. Not yet.
I have my heartbeat appointment tomorrow, so assuming all goes well, I will stop "hiding it" after that.
With Rosalie, I remember that that little thrumping noise on the Doppler was my favourite sound in the whole wide world, and I am very much looking forward to hearing it again... but at the same time I am trepidatious. I have had far too many friends have miscarriages in order to assume that everything will be fine. Part of me half expects to be told that I have a blighted ovum tomorrow. And if that does happen, I will be fine. But at the same time, I don't feel like that will happen. I don't feel different than I did with Rosalie's pregnancy... so I feel like that should mean everything is OK, even though I know it might not be. I'm hoping that everything will be fine, and that is what is getting me through until tomorrow. Hope. It's a powerful thing.
The funny thing about telling people is that when I am not pregnant, I always have this great idea about not telling people. Like, wouldn't it be funny if I just didn't tell anyone, and then when they see me, all huge and round, they'd be like "Hey! Congratulations! I didn't know you were pregnant!" and then I could be like "What do you mean? Do I LOOK pregnant?!?!" and then it would get all awkward... But this would never work for one very big reason: I would not be able to keep a straight face for the life of me. I would have a big grin on my face or giggle like an idiot just thinking about saying that and it would all be ruined.
I do not, however, intend on doing a big social media announcement. I didn't really mean to last time, but I don't know how to be subtle, so I posted something like "To those whom I lied to, I am sorry for the ruse, but it was necessary. For those who know the truth, you are no longer sworn to secrecy" or something along those lines. Everyone knew what I meant anyway, so it became a big announcement. This time, I will post nothing. Not as a definite "coming out" post anyway. But I may eventually post an "I am an enormous cow" update and people might ask questions, and I will not lie. After tomorrow, either way of how things will go, if people ask "when are you guys gunna have another one?" I will respond "August!" if all goes well, or "I just had a miscarriage, so it will be a while yet" if it doesn't. I'm not a good liar and people that have asked me recently may suspect anyway, so the truth always works better for me.
Anyway, I just need to get through tomorrow! Wish me (hindsight) luck! :)
I loved having my little secret for 4 and a half months! I can count on one hand how many people I actually TOLD. Of course I never had the question of "when are you going to have a baby?" so I did have that huge advantage.
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