I have been really struggling with the thought of telling people what is going on with this baby.
Some people know of course. My parents were the first outsiders to find out, I told them after we got news about the heart defect (but before we had talked to the cardiologist) at Roland's strong urging. I was still in a place where I didn't want to tell anyone then, but I think Roland thought he was in over his head and needed someone else to take some of my tears. My mom is a great sounding board and support for tough stuff like this. I was glad I told her then. My brother was around the same day, so he walked in on our convo and found out. Roland told his parents later that night. My mom told my sister after we saw the cardiologist. I told my buddy Erin after I made a comment on facebook about wishing that drinking would solve problems rather than create them. She was the only person that recognized that I was struggling and not just joking around about having to abstain during pregnancy. Roland also had to tell a couple people at work right as soon as that second ultrasound turned out to be sketchy. Once we knew we were in for a bunch of extra specialist appointments, he felt that if he tried to be vague about reasons it would look sketchy, so he just told them right out. I also told my supervisor at work, because I know that I will be booking sick often for these additional appointments, and it's not like I have a choice when they are and can book them on my days off. With specialists, they tell you when your appointment is, not ask when you would like to come in.
That is the all-inclusive list at the moment. Brayden doesn't know, really, because I don't think he needs to. It's not like he can help, and he doesn't need to worry about it...
As far as friends and extended family... when is the best time to tell people?
No one else really needs to know. I am worried about extensive pity and forced support while people are actually thinking "I'm glad that's not me". I know that no one wants it to be them, but... I just don't want to see that on peoples faces. So, that is why now doesn't seem to be a good time. The due date is too far away yet and I only want to have to deal with other people as long as I have to.
My doctor has said she will give me a sick note to stop working at a moments notice if I feel I need it. So I was thinking that if I decide that I do need to stop working, then that would be a good time. But at the same time, frankly, no one really asks me about work outside of my family, so if I go off work once the June schedule is posted, then I won't show up as on Sick Leave until July... so really, no one will notice I'm not working.
Perhaps after the intensive amniocentesis results are back? If this is chromosomal, I may need help with a great many things after this baby is born. This would be a good opportunity to swallow my pride and ask for it... but... ugh... I dunno...
I was thinking maybe I would just post an update on facebook when baby is born... something along the lines of "[baby name] Tomyn was born at xx:xx, weighing ? lbs, ? oz, and was whisked off to the nicu shortly after birth due to some complications. We will not be entertaining visitors outside of immediate family for the time being" but my sister pointed out that something like this might just entice people to call, text, post on facebook asking more questions and would make things worse. At least if I do it before this point, it will ease the inundation of communication all at once...
I don't think there really is a perfect time to tell people about things like this. There is no "standard-tell-people" milestone like there is with a pregnancy (I support the 3 month marker, personally, but it's definitely up to mom and dad to determine when the time is right). So I guess we will just wait until it feels like it's time. Or maybe it will present itself in a way that will make it easier. Anyone that knows me knows I am a terrible liar, so if someone were to be, like, "hey, did you ever have that second ultrasound?", it might be a good segway in to talking about it... we'll see...
'Cuz right now I have no bloody clue...
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