Today we had another appointment at Royal University Hospital for another Ultrasound. We needed to meet with the neonatal/pediatric cardiologist to see just how bad the heart was. I was nervous about this appointment, but once again thought I was prepared. I knew if it was bad news I wouldn't take it well, but I did things to prepare myself for that possibility... as much as anyone can. Just little things, like parking at RUH can be ridiculous, so I considered parking in the residential area around the hospital, but I decided not to because if I needed Roland to escort me to my car, it would be better if it was closer. Little things like that. And just being prepared for that horrible news. Bracing yourself. Knowing it is a possibility....
I was made nervous even more when Roland arrived only minutes before our appointment, he was coming from work, but I didn't think it would take him as long to get there as it did. We were then ushered into the same room we had the last ultrasound in and got started with same ol' routine. It's getting quite old now frankly. I didn't really want more than one ultrasound to begin with, but now that they are absolutely necessary, they are really a drag. I guess this one was slightly different, it was an echocardiogram, so, more specialized to the heart (there were colours and things going on on the screen), but it was still not super fun. It was also a bit frustrating when the tech and the cardiologist were talking their gobbledy-gook speak. Occasionally they would say something mildly comforting, like "the size of that aorta looks good", and they said lots of "Yep, capture that. Ok, that looks good." so I was comforted by those little "goods" but I needed to remind myself that what may be "good" for the doctor does not necessarily mean that it is "good" for my baby. He may be saying "good" because the captured screen they got gives lots of information about my baby's ailment, not that the ailment itself isn't there...
However it did not turn out to be all bad news, meaning it was not the worst case scenario. The OB/GYN mentioned a possibility last time that there may be things wrong with my baby that cannot be fixed, that this baby may not be able to live outside of me or even make it to term. As far as the Cardiologist is concerned, the heart is not one of these reasons. I won't try to explain my baby's heart defect here, it made total sense when a professional was explaining it, but I don't think I would do it right. This baby's heart defect is "fixable". The cardiologist has seen this before plenty of times and can operate and fix the problem. Not uncommon, not particularly complicated. With any surgery there are risks, but as far as he is concerned, assuming that we know about all of baby's problems (meaning the only other problem is the cleft palate), there is no reason this baby wouldn't make it through the surgery. This is also something that does not need to be done immediately after birth. My guess is that they will follow the "rule of 10s" (baby is 10 weeks old, weighs 10 lbs, and has 10g hemoglobin). It's strange to think that I am happy about my baby having this heart defect, but I am. I am so happy that it is fixable. I am happy this hasn't quashed my hopes of eventually bringing home this baby.
After the ECHO, my OB/GYN did my amniocentesis. This was not fun. I do not recommend it just for funzies. If there is no reason for you to need one, then don't get it. It wasn't excruciatingly painful, but it did hurt, and then I was super uncomfortable while I stayed still as they sucked out the amniotic fluid. And I'm still a bit sore, I'm not sure if I will be able to sleep on my left side tonight. But once again, like the ultrasounds, I may not really want it, but it is necessary. This test will hopefully give us more good news, or at worse, just let us know what we are dealing with here. If it's DiGeorge Syndrome, at least we will know in a couple of weeks. There are still chromosomal diagnosis that could still mean my baby might not survive, but with the heart looking good I remain optimistic.
Today's appointment was also pretty informative about what my birth and delivery will look like, should this baby make it that far. My OB/GYN said that we want this baby to be as big as possible, so there won't be any reason to induce me, which I was happy to hear. It seemed to me that she was kinda saying that really my uterus is the safest place for this baby right now (as it is for most babies). That I have carried this baby well so far, that baby seems happy and is moving around lots, so why mess with that? Baby is not is distress, so let's do our best to keep it that way. She also has no reason to think I will need a caesarean section because of any of this. She said babies can tolerate a lot, and were meant to tolerate birth, and as she sees it right now, we don't need to talk about a c-section. So that was more music to my ears. Then we started talking about after delivery, which was quite a bit less positive. Baby will probably not be put on my chest right after he/she is born. I will probably not get a chance to hold my baby at all right after he/she is born. Baby will be whisked away to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, and I will not be able to see him/her until at least an hour after he/she is born. When I told the doctor that I would obviously like to breastfeed, she started shaking her head at me, she said that with any baby that has a heart condition they will be fed intravenously, plus babies with Cleft Palates tend to aspirate on fluids because the liquid gets into their nasal passages since there is a gap there where there shouldn't be. Plus latching is almost impossible because they can't get a good suction. I have done a bunch of research and decided that I will try when the danger is less, there are lots of tips out there for breastfeeding cleft palate babies involving more awkward holds that will let gravity do some of the work, but we'll see. It was still kinda a sad moment for me. I loved nursing Rosalie so much. We'll see what happens in NICU, I would also not even mind just letting baby suckle by boobs for comfort if the nurses will let me. It might make up for the bonding time we will miss out on while baby is in the NICU and not at home with us. And, of course, I will pump anyway. If my boobs are at all like they were last time, I will have plenty to feed him or her and will have lots left over to store for when he/she comes home too.
So, overall not a bad day. I only cried a little bit when I was told I most likely won't get to hold my baby and nurse, but those are minimal considering the possible challenges we are facing. My baby is alive, my baby is doing well, and my baby still has hope of coming home with us eventually. Hurrah for good news!
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